I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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