This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
