i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
