I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still dying that you shit outside
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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