Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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