Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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