you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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