Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
