Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
