Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
