You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
