I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
