Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
