Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
