Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
