normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
