yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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