so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
