Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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