Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
