You're my little dorito
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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