when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
