My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
