Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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