Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
