when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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