I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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