Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
