And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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