I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize