So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
