I puked a lego.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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