he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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