Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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