so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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