his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
