i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
