I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
