____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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