no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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