Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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