i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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