I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
