You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
