She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
