Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
