Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
