Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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