Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
