I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
