my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
