Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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