This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
