Do you still have your period?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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