I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
