I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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