My sheets look like a crime scene.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
