$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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