We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
